i'm an auntie!

i just got a call from my brother corey, or is it cory? i don't know. anyways, i got a call from him that his precious little wifey had their baby this morning at 12:09am - little mr. zachary smith joined us here on planet earth. it's sort of weird that i have a nephew now, i hardly think that i have a brother most days. he's the product of my dad's first marriage to a woman i've only seen at funerals. sometimes it really, really bothers me that i have all this family i know absolutely nothing about. my grandfather (my dad's dad) passed away on new year's day last month. like any good family member would, i was at the viewing even though i hadn't seen the man in over 7 years. i don't mean to be short, that's not my intent - it's just that, i had one of the saddest moments of my life at that viewing. i sat there with my father who had just had surgery 3 weeks before to treat what's most likely terminal brain cancer and watched people mourning the death of my grandfather. it was a tough moment. it was even tougher b/c i didn't know the man. at all. i can count on one hand the number of times i remember spending with this guy. the funeral directer gathered all the family in a circle before other people were let in and had us all share a loving memory or thought about grandpa smith and i had not one single thing to contribute. i tried, i searched my brain - but i had no memory of anything worthy to share with these sad and grieving people. i'm really struggling to deal with some of these emotions i've had since dad got sick. just like grandpa, i really don't know my dad. i can't get him to talk to me or come for a visit. and now he's really really sick - i'm mad at him sometimes that he's denied me getting to know all these cousins, aunts, uncles and others who share our blood - who look just like me. i hate that we moved and moved and moved and now i've got tons of family i know nothing about. but how can you be mad at a guy who probably doesn't have much time left? anyways - i didn't mean to get off on tagent - i wish my brother, corey, cory - however he spells it and his lovely wife kelly, every bit of happiness they deserve. i really do hope that in the future we can get to know each other better...